Nothing Left To Lose But You: A Slow Burn Found Family Women's Fiction Novel by Maria Patrick

Author:Maria Patrick [Patrick, Maria]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2023-04-24T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter 22

Logan

My first week of kidsitting was a breeze. So much so, I’m convinced something’s lying in wait, ready to knock me off my feet and have me begging for mercy. I quickly learned Noah’s not a strict rule-keeper with Rainey. She has a few ground rules, but enjoys giving her niece a level of autonomy that’s different from my own parenting style.

We’ve settled into a sweet rhythm of Noah and me dropping the girls off for school together. I love the crisp Kentucky mornings, but an unshakeable cold threatens to settle into my bones the second we step out the front door each morning. The talk around town is we only have another week of good weather left. Noah and I dash back home, allowing her to rush off to her office.

I scour job sites for several hours while Maggie and Rainey are in school, applying for any potential positions—even the ones I have little interest in. Mid-morning, I take a quick tea and reading break and then continue shooting off resumes and sending follow up emails until lunch.

Paul, as solid a friend as ever and no longer working around the clock, selected me as his daily lunch partner. His attention is somewhere between flattering and smothering, but he’s reliable and I appreciate him. Most days we meet at the station and eat our packed lunches at his desk. It reminds me of a high school cafeteria with all of the people who steadily mill around. After lunch, I fulfill as many shopper orders as I can. This keeps cash flowing into my bank account, but also gives my mind something to do instead of sinking into my Hannah Heartbreak that still surfaces a few times a day.

Claire had been right. Over the last few months, Hannah is no longer the sole focus of my attention every second of every minute of every day. It’s more like every other second and then every third. I’ll have several days in a row of feeling proud of how far I have come since January, only to be washed away and tossed into an undercurrent of impenetrable sadness when I least expect it.

Noah bore witness to one of those times a few days ago while I was getting Maggie ready for bed. One second I was reading Maggie a bedtime story, laughing at the goofy characters, and the next I felt tears well up and a sob heave from my body. Noah closed the door to Rainey’s bedroom next door and glanced into Maggie’s. She saw me break apart, but slid in the bed next to my daughter, taking the book from my hands. I was mortified, but she gifted me time alone to take care of myself while she completed my daughter’s bedtime routine in my stead.

Over lunch at Stewie’s, I mention the episode to Paul, explaining how embarrassed I was for Noah to see me in that state. I’m not sure why I tell him, but I need to confide in someone.

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